Journeying Through My Mind

Sitting still, yet moving;
Moving, yet sitting still.
Travelling from A to B, yet going nowhere;
Going nowhere, yet travelling from A to B.
Journeying through the countryside;
Journeying through my mind.

Travelling, or the act of moving seems to inspire me and fire up my creative inspiration. Sitting on a train earlier today, travelling from Newcastle to Glasgow, I was amazed at just how freely my mind was initiating new ideas. The movement of a train, or an aeroplane, seems to somehow allow me to journey freely within my own mind and make amazing discoveries.

I left the train this morning with a long list of ideas for blog entries and other things I want to explore. I remember a similar thing happening last year on a plane flying to Spain, when I stepped off board with pages full of ideas. On a couple of long flights to Denver, I remember time just flying by as I filled it with thoughts, ideas and inspiration for my PhD. And this evening, coming home, I’ve made some incredible discoveries and understandings about myself on my journey through ongoing self-awareness.

When I’m in that frame of mind I’m always disappointed when my journey ends … when I have to step outside and leave my bubble of creativity behind. I’m left wondering what ideas and thoughts am I leaving behind on that plane, on that train?

But … from a different perspective, stepping off that train or plane is just the first step on my journey of putting my thoughts and ideas into action … & that’s when the real fun can begin...

** Photo taken at Newcastle Central Station, 7.10am 08.03.11

Setting the Scene . . . where am I?

I guess it would be good to tell you all a little bit about me, or at least to fill you in on where I am right now in my life . . . .

Up until a few weeks ago, I thought my life was settled & would remain fairly stationary for the next 5 years or so, but it seemed that life, fate, call it what you will, had other ideas for me.

Friday 29th May I discovered my cat, Scrumpy, probably had mammary cancer - an aggressive type of cancer in cats. I was devastated. She's only 12 & I'd hoped she would be with me throughout the duration of the PhD I'm currently working towards . . . but it seems it's not meant to be. She had an operation to remove the tumours, which was successful, but unfortunately, the cancer had already spread. The tumours are now back, and growing bigger, & I've decided not to put her through any more treatment, but to allow her to enjoy the rest of her life. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to know yet that she's ill, & other than a bit of discomfort if I touch the tumours, she's absolutely fine - enjoying being spoilt!?! But it's awful living under the uncertainty of how much longer I actually have left with her. (I think there's a whole blog entry in this one - pets & the role they play on our lives - but I'm going to save that one for another day!)

Back to my life . . . after time off work on the sick with an inner ear infection, (which, incidently, led to me losing my balance, tripping up & landing on the cat's scratchpost - breaking a rib & a tooth in the process!!?!) I went back to find that the funding situation regarding my PhD had changed - another kick in the stomach (or should that be 'ribs'?!) it seemed! It felt that all of the work I'd done over the last year had been for nothing. With fantastic support from my university (York St John), I've been able to turn the whole thing around & begin working with a different research proposal. And although I'm now having to self-fund it (& hopefully find some funding opportunities in other places - all donations very gratefully accepted!!!!), it feels that I have so much more ownership of it. It's all mine now!! Which feels good!!

The funding from work had also meant that I'd settled myself with the assumption that I'd be staying in my current employment for the duration of my PhD, & it felt quite good to know I had that stability. But with the change in funding, I've now realised that I'm no longer tied to them. I can do whatever I want again . . . & that feels good!! I've learned from this, that I don't like feeling indebted to an organisation, & this is where I'm realising that I need to start taking a few more risks with my private counselling practice & training courses. Take even more responsibility for establishing my career & working patterns exactly how I want them to be - become more autonomous. And that, too, feels good.

There's lots of opportunities for me at present (I'll tell you all about them some other time!?) & I'm receiving huge support & great advice from a number of sources, & I currently feel extremely excited & optimistic about my future . . . let's just hope I'm right!!