Yoga assists & attachment theory ...

Following from my last entry I've been reflecting further on my recent experiences of "assists" in yoga classes ...

It seems that for me, they've helped me connect to some early attachment experiences. "Attachment" is a psychological concept which explores how people develop emotional bonds & ways of relating to others; and I would also say of relating to oneself, one's body & one's life.  Babies learn how to attach and relate to others (and self, body and life) through their early relational experiences with their caregivers.

From the infant's pre-verbal development stage, much of that relating and experiencing is situated in the body.  Mother (or other caregiver) responds to her baby's bodily needs for food and attention and the baby begins to form ideas about itself and its self-efficacy through these responses.  How well attuned mother is to her baby and its needs can have a significant impact on how that baby's sense of itself and confidence in the world develops.

Over the last year or so I've read quite a bit about attachment theory for my research; looking at how those early relating experiences contribute to an individual's sense of self, to their relationships with food, eating and their body, and to their way of being in the world.  And this is why I guess the concept has been (unconsciously) on my mind in my yoga practice.

From this place I've experienced many yoga assists as extremely nurturing and holding. Trusting the teachers / assistants and feeling safe in their hands has enabled me to relax into my body and allow them to manoeuvre my body wherever they could see it needed to go.

My first recognition of the connection between these assists and attachment ideas (and embodied memory) happened during Savanasa one evening.  Having my head and neck held and massaged felt hugely comforting and nurturing, and brought to mind an embodied memory of being held as a baby; feeling safe, held and nurtured by my original caregivers.  Being able to let go and be free of all adult responsibilities, thoughts and tensions, and reconnect with the innocence and "just being-ness" of infancy.

Since then, I've re-connected to that infant experience in other assists; especially those where my teacher / assistant has their body wrapped around mine in some way in order to manipulate my body.  And again, I've experienced a sense of absolute trust and safety.  I've been able to step out of my head with all of its adult / learned responsibilities, beliefs and tensions and fully immerse myself in my body and its experiencing; knowing that the assistant has hold of me and I'm safe.

It's very rare in western culture to have such close, intimate bodily contact with anyone outside a sexual context; we're taught that it's somehow "wrong" or inappropriate.  And yet with body psychotherapy and other body based therapies, touch is key to their effectiveness.  And in terms of enabling me to reconnect with the embodied memories of early attachment experiences, it no longer surprises me that such close bodily contact can trigger those memories.  Most relating and caring in infancy occurs at the bodily level; the body contact in the yoga assists are symbolically reminiscent of that time.

This connection between yoga assists and attachment interests me as I begin to explore more deeply how yoga might be helpful for people with eating disorders and other troubled relationships with food and their body.  I feel it's important to find ways of enabling people to re-establish a comfortable, enjoyable, safe and self-nurturing connection with, and way of being in, their body.

I've been fortunate to have experienced safe holding in infancy, so I do wonder, for those people who maybe weren't held so securely, what the experience would be like.  But I guess that to be getting in touch with one's early attachment experiences, an individual would have had to have done a lot of Self exploration to peel back the layers to that extent.  Or the enabling of that connection would need to be done in a very safe and trusting environment.

I appreciate that for many people, the assist will be experienced purely as a helpful physical manipulation; and from that perspective they're hugely beneficial too.  It can be amazing to experience what my body is capable of and to experience it move more fully into a pose.  But from my current place of interest in the idea of the body as a reflection and container of my Self and embodied memories, I'm interested in what I can learn from my body about my Self and my way of being in the world.

Allowing myself to immerse myself in the embodied experience of the assists seemed to enable me to connect with embodied memories of infancy.  And from that place, I've come to a state of "remembering" and "knowing" how I was related to as an infant.  I have a strong sense of "knowing" how my body's (and hence my) needs for food and nurture were responded to.  Of "knowing" how my caregivers responded to, and touched and held me and my body.  Of "knowing" how those caregivers felt towards me and their experiences of caring for that infant me.

And with these new knowledges. I've been able to further deepen my understanding of mySelf and how I became who I am.  As our relationships with food,especially in relation to eating disorders, are intimately connected with early nurturing experiences, I've also unpeeled another layer of understanding of my own disordered eating history.

I just wonder if, after reading this, the yoga teachers & assistants I've had in

 mind as I've written it, will offer me more assists in future ... 

or avoid me ... !!?!

Friendships continued

Following on from my earlier post regarding friendship . . . just what is it that makes us become friends? In many ways, it's like a love relationship without the 'chemistry', without the sexual attraction, & yet I think, there still must be some kind of 'chemistry' there that draws us to some people and not to others.

And then once we become friends, what is it that keeps us together? Because there are some friends who live just round the corner & who you see on a regular basis . . . & that frienship becomes based on familiarity & getting to know each other well by spending lots of time together & sharing things. They're the friends from whom you have no secrets and who you know you can rely on to be there at a moment's notice. And then there are the friends who live at the other side of the world & who you see infrequently. And yet still, when you do see those people, the friendship is rekindled instantaneously as if no time has passed. And with them too, you know that if you're in trouble, all it takes is a phone call & their love & support is guaranteed - despite the distance. And knowing those friends are there gives a great sense of security; it's like Bowlby's secure attachment base. Like the baby who learns to step out into the world and take risks because it knows it can rely on the secure base of mother always being there, our friends, in adult life, can provide that secure base for us from which to explore and to retreat to secured safety.

And yet some friends just drift apart. Maybe people change too much & it's too uncomfortable to accept those changes in each other. Because change in one person can very easily upset the balance of a friendship duo or group. If one person grows in a way that the other can't accept, then often the friendship can't continue, or certainly has to change. Change in one person can be very threatening to someone else when they feel their 'role' in the group is being threatened or when someone else's 'role' has changed.

So really I guess, the best friends are those who are simply there for us, wherever we are and who will accept us for who we are, even when we do change and move on. And I think that any of us who are lucky enough to experience those kinds of friends, should be thankful . . . because not everyone has them,x