"New Year; New You" ? Not for me ...

I'm writing this now as I've just received an e-mail from a well-known store inviting me to their online Beauty Department sale with the promise of a 'New Year; New You.'

At the start of another new year, I'm already noticing how often this phrase, 'New Year; New You' is being bandied about in magazines and online.  It's a line that comes around every year, and much as I see the potential good in the concept I think it's implying, it's an idea I no longer subscribe to.

I think that life is a constant process of personal development and growth and that we can always strive to be the best that we can be.   But for me, that means becoming increasingly true to my authentic self; to who I 'really' am, outwith the expectations society places on us to be a certain way.

In the past, I might have grabbed hold of the 'New Year; New You' promise and latched on to whatever product, diet, exercise regime it was attached to and placed a lot of hope in its changing me into that 'new' me.  That new me, that would somehow be a better version of the one I already was.

I think that lots of people do this.  Somehow believing that if they eat the diet, follow the exercise regime, buy the products, wear the clothes, etc., they'll somehow become a better version of themselves.  And yet by placing faith in external purchases and regimes, people are becoming increasingly detached from their true inner self.

In my counselling work, this is something I see a lot of.  People looking outside of themselves in an attempt to find themselves.  Somehow believing that other people, other peoples' rules and regimes or material objects will give them their answer, will give them their happiness.

This approach rarely works though.  People follow the diets, the exercises, buy the products and maybe feel good about themselves for a while.  But it's often a hollow sense of happiness; not the genuine happiness that comes from being congruently oneself.

So for me this year, I'm not even going to try becoming a 'new me.'

I like the me I already am.

And I don't want, or need, to change that;

but I will allow myself to grow in whatever direction my authentic self leads me ...

Happy New Year 2013 ...

January 1^st 2013 and here I am sitting at my computer, listening to Curtis Stigers’ ‘Let’s Go Out Tonight,’ and gathering my thoughts and intentions for the coming year.

Myself and Curtis Stigers
Photo kindly taken by Matthew Fries,
Curtis' fabulous piano player
Bradford, April 2012

Curtis Stigers & his fabulous band, signing autographs
 on the concourse, The Sage, March 2012
John 'Scrapper' Schneider, Cliff Schmitt, Keith Hall,
Curtis Stigers & Matthew Fries

I'm very aware that across 2012 this blog drifted from its initial concept; but it seems that that was a reflection of my recent reconnection with my musical self. Music has always been a hugely important part of my life, but over recent years other things had taken priority; mostly my therapy trainings and PhD.  Back in March 2012, a very unexpected and exciting encounter at The Sage, Gateshead (thanks in part, to Curtis Stigers and his band!), opened me back up to my musical creativity and since then I’ve found myself being able to write songs again (the lyrics of some of which I’ve posted on here in previous entries), playing my guitar and piano much more and joining a choir. 

Countdown to flash mob Auld Lang Syne

I ended 2012 performing to an almost sell-out show in Hall One of The Sage, as part of a choir backing an Abba Tribute band; and I & started 2013 singing Auld Lang Syne as part of a 3-part-harmony flash mob performance with my choir.  It seemed like the perfect ending and beginning for me …

Party on The Sage concourse with the  James Taylor quartet

2013 feels like an important year for me, and one which I am looking forward to with excitement, hope, and apprehension; I turn 40 and I (hopefully!) complete my PhD.  I know it’s going to be a challenging, frustrating yet ultimately satisfying year if I am able to complete my thesis over these next 12 months.  To do this though, I need to be focused and organised.  My thesis hasto take priority across 2013, although I also need to ensure I have fun and freedom too!  And for me, the downtime is going to be filled with music.

I intend to commit to writing regularly on here again, and I suspect my entries will focus on my thesis progression, my continuously developing thoughts around it as me, my data and my computer become even more intimately connected! 

Elsie & I studying together

I also though, want to ensure that these entries reflect the musical progression in my life too … and who knows what 2013 has in store there!!

The piano playing cat

And of course, tangled in all of this will be Elsie, my cat, who turns up wherever and whatever I’m doing; studying, songwriting, & whatever else I happen to be doing, she'll be there with me!

Wishing you all a fabulous 2013 filled with love, happiness & lots of nice surprises, x

Just might be a fun, exciting & gratifying read ...

As I read the final sentence of the chapter in the book of my life called ‘2011,’ I paused for a while to reflect on everything I’d experienced and learned over the past twelve months.  It was an interesting chapter of my life, filled (over-filled at times!) with learning, discoveries and interesting clients.  During the chapter I became a qualified Practitioner of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and achieved a Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy.  Both of these training courses were fantastic experiences and I learned many more clinical skills as well as the ongoing personal development that therapeutic learning entails.  My thinking has changed in many ways, for the better, and in ways that will benefit both my clinical practice with clients and my personal life experience.   

Alongside these training courses, I continued to work on my PhD.  This also has broadened my knowledge of both my subject and my Self.  As a result of the research topic being born out of personal experience, a great deal of the academic literature that I’ve read has touched me, unexpectedly at times, at a deep personal level.  This process hasn’t always been an easy one as I’ve had to revisit painful experiences and feelings of my past, but ultimately, I knew that out of that pain would emerge deeper and clearer understandings of both my topic and myself.  And again, this enhances me on an academic level, a therapeutic level and the personal.

Reflecting on these learnings as I write this now is helping me realise just how much I did learn last year on all kinds of levels and how much I grew and developed during the journey I took during 2011.

Another important source of learning, this time on the personal level was a relationship with someone who didn’t stay in my life long, but who did make a big impression whilst they were there.  Definitely one of those people sent to me from which I had lessons to learn.  An intense relationship on many levels and one which made me question some of my personal beliefs and helped me recognise some of the things I need, and want, to have in my life. 

And I was lucky to have consistency throughout the entire chapter of unquestioned love and support from family and friends.  2011 brought a number of new people into my life, especially through my NLP and Hypnotherapy training and without a doubt, all of those people with who I shared some amazing experiences, have left their mark on me.  Their names are written in my book for always.

My counselling practice continued to grow steadily throughout the year and I was fortunate to experience my most successful year to date.  And I hope that that continues as I expand my therapy to include NLP and Hypnotherapy.  The seeds were also sewn for exciting new workshops around Body Image which I’m developing with a good friend and colleague.  We’re piloting these workshops in a number of schools later this month and I’m looking forward to where these workshops might just lead …

So all in all, the chapter called 2011 was a good one in my book.  It wasn’t always a comfortable or easy read but it was a very defining one, and it did have a good few pages of fun and laughter in it too!

So I’m left here on 1^st January 2012 beginning the early pages of this brand new chapter and looking forward with excited anticipation to meeting the people I’ve yet to meet and the experiences I’ve yet to have, the learnings I’ve yet to learn and the achievements I’ve yet to make.

From here, 2012 seems like it just might be a fun, exciting and gratifying read …

Midnight strikes ...

In many ways, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are days like every other in the year … one day turning into night turning into another day.  And yet on 31^st December each year of the Gregorian calendar, many people around the world will celebrate that natural phenomenon. New Year is a man-made construct.  The world continues turning just as it always does every day. Man created the calendar; man created the concept of time in an attempt to bring order to our increasingly civilised lives around the changes of the natural world.

In some ways, I like the idea of ‘new year.’  It’s good to have a time to reflect back on the year that’s passed and to begin to look forward to the year ahead.  And to know that millions of other people around the world are potentially doing a similar thing feeds into that human need to belong, to feel a part of something bigger than oneself.  For me, that’s part of the uniqueness of New Year; on no other evening throughout the year are so many people celebrating, focusing on or experiencing the clock chimes of midnight with such anticipation.  And to think of people around the world celebrating as the year turns in their time zone … like a global tidal wave of time and celebration.

It can quite a melancholic time of year too as we reflect on the people, loves, pets, and other things that have been lost throughout the year.  A lot can change in a person’s life from the midnight chimes of one New Year’s Day to another and it can sometimes be difficult or even painful, to reflect on those changes.  Conversely, it can be a time of celebration of a year of achievements, happiness, love and good things experienced.

The ending of one year and beginning of a new one can also be a time of hope and optimism as people look forward to good things they hope to achieve or experience.  A new year can feel like a clean page in a book, just waiting to be filled with happy tales & images.  And I guess this is where people would write their New Year Resolutions … hopes, goals and aims for the year ahead.  For some people, these resolutions will be fulfilled; for others they turn into disappointments when they’re unable to live up to the goals they’ve set for themselves. 

For myself, I like the opportunity to stand where I am right now today; to look over my shoulder at the year gone by and to decide which learnings from the previous twelve months to bring with me and which things to leave behind.  To also look forward in the direction in which I’m heading and to catch a glimpse or two of the experiences ahead of me in the coming year.  An exciting place to be as we can never know what the future holds for us.  We can make plans and resolutions, but sometimes life has other ideas for us … & that’s both scary an exciting.

I’m looking forward with excitement and anticipation to whatever 2012 has in store for me.  I intend to make the most of the opportunities I can create for myself and to negotiate as best I can the detours life might just choose to lead me on.

Wishing you all a fulfilling, growthful and satisfying 2012, x