"Pain teaches, but it is only when it is over that wisdom comes.
Healing leaves scars but it also brings energy and hope."
- Catherine Garrett, writing in "Beyond Anorexia; Narrative, Spirituality and Recovery."
I'm currently looking at the role spirituality (or lack of) plays in the development, perpetuation and ultimate recovery from eating disorders. The above quote is from the author of the book writing abour her own experiences of anorexia and her recovery process. Her writing highlights the pain and difficulties often involved in recovering from any eating disorders, but also ultimately, the hope & salvation that can be discovered during that journey.
Monday 22 November 2010
Tuesday 26 October 2010
Technology
Where does time go? I can't believe that yet another week has passed since my last entry in here....& I'm still trying to catch up with the ideas that came to me last month on holiday!
Walking around a supermarket, I spotted a printer machine for digital photos and I suddenly realised how technology has changed our experience of holiday photos. It used to be the case that you went away, you took photos and you had to wait until you got home & had them developed in order to see them. Digital cameras allow us to see our photos instantly. If we're not happy with them, we can delete them & take them again. We can bring them home, upload them onto our computers and manipulate them to improve them, or make them look as we want them to look. We can even go to the supermarket, whilst on holiday, print them & take them home with us! And that's all good stuff BUT....where's the excitement of the anticipation?
I remember taking films into shops, having to leave them for a few days before going back to collect them. I'd be impatient to see my photos, but at the same time, that anticipation was part of the experience. Would they have come out? How would they look? And that's all gone now with digital photos.
With the internet, we can even share our photos whilst we're still on holiday. Fantastic; in some respects. But again, what damage is that instantaneous communication doing to us? Holidays used to be a time of getting away from it all; that's no longer the case. Mobile phones and the internet allow our families and friends to be there with us. And maybe that's a good thing, BUT....where's the thrill of getting away from everyone gone? Where's the experience of missing people and looking forward to telling them about our holidays?
It seems that increasingly, that technology leads people to become less and less independent. Before mobile phones, we had to plan things ahead of time, we had to think for ourselves, we had to go for periods of time without contacting our loved ones. Now, we can contact them at any time of the day for help, advice, support, or just to check in with them. And again, that definitely has its advantages, but it also encourages dependence. It reduces people's capacity to take responsibility for themselves, to make decisions for themselves, to exist without their loved ones. It also removes again, the anticipation that builds up when you haven't spoken to someone for a period of time.
At times, I find my mobile intrusive and often have it switched to silent when I don't want to be disturbed. And of course, when I'm with clients, it's turned to silent too. I don't always want my time and space invaded or want to be troubled with other peoples' often trivial comments and questions. At other times though, it's lovely to receive a thoughtful message.
The internet encourages, at times, constant sharing of ourselves, and again I can see the advantages, BUT.....it also seems narcissistic at times to share stuff that other people aren't really interested in. I know I am guilty of this myself at times, on Facebook; what makes me so special that other people need to know what I'm up to? Do they care? It can help people who are lonely or isolated connect with other people, but how real is it? We can monitor what we say; choose what image of ourselves we wish to portray by the words and statements we use.
Overall, I think technological advances are a good thing, but I do worry about the psychological effects on us all......
Walking around a supermarket, I spotted a printer machine for digital photos and I suddenly realised how technology has changed our experience of holiday photos. It used to be the case that you went away, you took photos and you had to wait until you got home & had them developed in order to see them. Digital cameras allow us to see our photos instantly. If we're not happy with them, we can delete them & take them again. We can bring them home, upload them onto our computers and manipulate them to improve them, or make them look as we want them to look. We can even go to the supermarket, whilst on holiday, print them & take them home with us! And that's all good stuff BUT....where's the excitement of the anticipation?
I remember taking films into shops, having to leave them for a few days before going back to collect them. I'd be impatient to see my photos, but at the same time, that anticipation was part of the experience. Would they have come out? How would they look? And that's all gone now with digital photos.
With the internet, we can even share our photos whilst we're still on holiday. Fantastic; in some respects. But again, what damage is that instantaneous communication doing to us? Holidays used to be a time of getting away from it all; that's no longer the case. Mobile phones and the internet allow our families and friends to be there with us. And maybe that's a good thing, BUT....where's the thrill of getting away from everyone gone? Where's the experience of missing people and looking forward to telling them about our holidays?
It seems that increasingly, that technology leads people to become less and less independent. Before mobile phones, we had to plan things ahead of time, we had to think for ourselves, we had to go for periods of time without contacting our loved ones. Now, we can contact them at any time of the day for help, advice, support, or just to check in with them. And again, that definitely has its advantages, but it also encourages dependence. It reduces people's capacity to take responsibility for themselves, to make decisions for themselves, to exist without their loved ones. It also removes again, the anticipation that builds up when you haven't spoken to someone for a period of time.
At times, I find my mobile intrusive and often have it switched to silent when I don't want to be disturbed. And of course, when I'm with clients, it's turned to silent too. I don't always want my time and space invaded or want to be troubled with other peoples' often trivial comments and questions. At other times though, it's lovely to receive a thoughtful message.
The internet encourages, at times, constant sharing of ourselves, and again I can see the advantages, BUT.....it also seems narcissistic at times to share stuff that other people aren't really interested in. I know I am guilty of this myself at times, on Facebook; what makes me so special that other people need to know what I'm up to? Do they care? It can help people who are lonely or isolated connect with other people, but how real is it? We can monitor what we say; choose what image of ourselves we wish to portray by the words and statements we use.
Overall, I think technological advances are a good thing, but I do worry about the psychological effects on us all......
Tuesday 12 October 2010
Flying
I promised a couple of weeks back to write down some of the thoughts I'd had whilst on holiday, & obviously haven't gotten round to it yet! I'm going to go some way to making amends there with this blog entry....these thought were all written in the back of a text book (which I was reading for my PhD) on the plane on my way over to Murcia in Spain....which for me is a relatively new thing. In the past, I wouldn't have dreamed about writing in a text book; now all of my text books are filled with underlinings, highlights, notes in the margins...& I love them for it now! They look loved, used, & full of bits of me; so much more personal now.
Over the last year I've been lucky enough to do some of my PhD work up in the sky sitting on planes and it's such a lovely place in which to work. There's none of the distractions which are found on the ground. I can't just get up & go out for a walk or for a coffee, and I think that because I know that, I don't want to. I settle down for the duration of the journey & work. And it's lovely to be away from everything. I love that feeling of being away from everything & not being able to do anything about whatever is going on below down on the ground. Away from mobile phones, away from computers; it's just me & my books / papers....& of course, my thoughts. It's nice too to be able to look out of the window at the world miles below or to simply gaze at the clouds & observe the many different cloud formations there are.
There's something reassuring for me too, knowing that I'm safe in the hands of the pilots. I know I don't need to worry about anything; it's nice to completely hand over all responsibility for a while. I know I'm safe up there in their hands. And I know, and trust in the laws of physics and nature to keep the plane up there in the sky. How incredible! And how lucky are we to live in a time when we can enjoy the wonders of air travel. I remember flying over the pyrenees and being amazed at the stunning scenery below; the rugged mountains and stunning shades of aquamarine as pools/lakes reflected the blue of the sky. I was also aware of the danger though... stunning to look at, but if the plane did need to make an emergency landing, it would be impossible to find anything resembling a landing strip there. And sometimes it's that little edge of danger that makes me stop and look at the world with awe, wonder and amazement.
I wonder if the pilots are aware of the responsibility they carry; do they think about the fact that they have all those passengers' lives in their hands? Do they ever stop to think how much we, as passengers, have to trust the pilots who fly us round the world. Are they aware of a sense of power, knowing they're in control of such a big and powerful machine? And it's such a shame that passengers are no longer allowed to visit the cockpit to see the pilot's eye view; it must be amazing to be up front and to see the views directly ahead through their windscreen.
I enjoyed sitting listening to the sounds of the engines. I find it reassuring to hear their gentle purr. I like to listen to what's going on around me, rather than blocking the outside world out with distractions like MP3 players. It's fascinating too, to overhear snippets of other passengers' conversations.. to sometimes hear their fears, their excitements, their plans. I like to look around me & wonder where everyone is heading for; are they off on holiday, business trips, visiting family/friends? Every person sitting in that metal capsule flying through the air has their own story to tell... and we quite often never know what story the person sat right next to us for 'x' hours might have to tell.
Aeroplanes....full of people with interesting lives and stories to tell.....
Over the last year I've been lucky enough to do some of my PhD work up in the sky sitting on planes and it's such a lovely place in which to work. There's none of the distractions which are found on the ground. I can't just get up & go out for a walk or for a coffee, and I think that because I know that, I don't want to. I settle down for the duration of the journey & work. And it's lovely to be away from everything. I love that feeling of being away from everything & not being able to do anything about whatever is going on below down on the ground. Away from mobile phones, away from computers; it's just me & my books / papers....& of course, my thoughts. It's nice too to be able to look out of the window at the world miles below or to simply gaze at the clouds & observe the many different cloud formations there are.
There's something reassuring for me too, knowing that I'm safe in the hands of the pilots. I know I don't need to worry about anything; it's nice to completely hand over all responsibility for a while. I know I'm safe up there in their hands. And I know, and trust in the laws of physics and nature to keep the plane up there in the sky. How incredible! And how lucky are we to live in a time when we can enjoy the wonders of air travel. I remember flying over the pyrenees and being amazed at the stunning scenery below; the rugged mountains and stunning shades of aquamarine as pools/lakes reflected the blue of the sky. I was also aware of the danger though... stunning to look at, but if the plane did need to make an emergency landing, it would be impossible to find anything resembling a landing strip there. And sometimes it's that little edge of danger that makes me stop and look at the world with awe, wonder and amazement.
I wonder if the pilots are aware of the responsibility they carry; do they think about the fact that they have all those passengers' lives in their hands? Do they ever stop to think how much we, as passengers, have to trust the pilots who fly us round the world. Are they aware of a sense of power, knowing they're in control of such a big and powerful machine? And it's such a shame that passengers are no longer allowed to visit the cockpit to see the pilot's eye view; it must be amazing to be up front and to see the views directly ahead through their windscreen.
I enjoyed sitting listening to the sounds of the engines. I find it reassuring to hear their gentle purr. I like to listen to what's going on around me, rather than blocking the outside world out with distractions like MP3 players. It's fascinating too, to overhear snippets of other passengers' conversations.. to sometimes hear their fears, their excitements, their plans. I like to look around me & wonder where everyone is heading for; are they off on holiday, business trips, visiting family/friends? Every person sitting in that metal capsule flying through the air has their own story to tell... and we quite often never know what story the person sat right next to us for 'x' hours might have to tell.
Aeroplanes....full of people with interesting lives and stories to tell.....
Saturday 18 September 2010
Holidays
I'm just back from a week away in Spain, and although for myself it was a bit of a working holiday (I took PhD work away with me), whilst I was out and about, I was observing other people and it got me thinking about a few things; things which I intend to write about over the next few days / weeks ....
Holidays mean different things to different people. For myself, when I'm away anywhere, I want to make the most of my days and of my experience of being in a new place. I'm up early and out and about. And I like to be out all day; maybe returning to my hotel / appartment early evening just in time to get changed ready for a nice evening meal out, trying the food and meal rituals of wherever I'm staying. It was interesting to see how many British people in Spain were eating 'English breakfasts,' 'Sunday lunches,' and the kind of fast food so readily available in Britain; when I'm away, I like to eat as much of the local food as possible. When I'm in a different country, I want to experience the local foods and drinks; I don't want simply what I can get at home.
I also like to see as much of the place I'm visiting as I can; if I'm going to travel to a new town, city or country, I want to see as much as possible. Holidays, for me, are full of movement; full of new experiences, sights, sounds, tastes and adventures. I'm not someone who could lie on a beach or sit around a pool all day. Yes, I like to pause for a while with a coffee or a drink and sit and watch life happening around me, watching the local culture taking place, but for me, no longer than an hour or so ... I'm too worried about missing something. I have to see everything!!!
I think we can learn so much from the different cultures we visit. It can be interesting to see different ways of life, different ways of thinking about things, different ways of doing things; and for me, that's an opportunity to stop and reflect on how I do things. Can I learn anything from the culture I'm visiting? Can I change anything about how I live my life as a result of watching other cultures in action. And isn't that what life's about....experiencing new things, reflecting on old things and considering maybe changing things in our own lives?
Holidays for other people though mean different things, and it's important to accept those differences. Some people like to go away simply to lie in the sun and do nothing; for me though, that would feel like a waste of time and a wasted opportunity to visit the sights of wherever I was. Other people like to party as much as possible; making the most of their evenings, and maybe whiling away each day recovering from the previous evening's hangover and preparing for the evening ahead. Neither of those options hold any appeal to me, but doesn't that just show how different we all are.
Holidays mean different things to different people.....what does a "holiday" mean to you? And might that change depending on where you are in your life?
For me, my recent week away was a combination of getting out and about and seeing new things from early every morning until early afternoon and then after lunch in the sun, working on my PhD before getting out to different restaurants each evening to sample the local cuisine....even if a lot of it seemed to be more Italian and Chinese than typical 'Spanish'!?
Holidays mean different things to different people. For myself, when I'm away anywhere, I want to make the most of my days and of my experience of being in a new place. I'm up early and out and about. And I like to be out all day; maybe returning to my hotel / appartment early evening just in time to get changed ready for a nice evening meal out, trying the food and meal rituals of wherever I'm staying. It was interesting to see how many British people in Spain were eating 'English breakfasts,' 'Sunday lunches,' and the kind of fast food so readily available in Britain; when I'm away, I like to eat as much of the local food as possible. When I'm in a different country, I want to experience the local foods and drinks; I don't want simply what I can get at home.
I also like to see as much of the place I'm visiting as I can; if I'm going to travel to a new town, city or country, I want to see as much as possible. Holidays, for me, are full of movement; full of new experiences, sights, sounds, tastes and adventures. I'm not someone who could lie on a beach or sit around a pool all day. Yes, I like to pause for a while with a coffee or a drink and sit and watch life happening around me, watching the local culture taking place, but for me, no longer than an hour or so ... I'm too worried about missing something. I have to see everything!!!
I think we can learn so much from the different cultures we visit. It can be interesting to see different ways of life, different ways of thinking about things, different ways of doing things; and for me, that's an opportunity to stop and reflect on how I do things. Can I learn anything from the culture I'm visiting? Can I change anything about how I live my life as a result of watching other cultures in action. And isn't that what life's about....experiencing new things, reflecting on old things and considering maybe changing things in our own lives?
Holidays for other people though mean different things, and it's important to accept those differences. Some people like to go away simply to lie in the sun and do nothing; for me though, that would feel like a waste of time and a wasted opportunity to visit the sights of wherever I was. Other people like to party as much as possible; making the most of their evenings, and maybe whiling away each day recovering from the previous evening's hangover and preparing for the evening ahead. Neither of those options hold any appeal to me, but doesn't that just show how different we all are.
Holidays mean different things to different people.....what does a "holiday" mean to you? And might that change depending on where you are in your life?
For me, my recent week away was a combination of getting out and about and seeing new things from early every morning until early afternoon and then after lunch in the sun, working on my PhD before getting out to different restaurants each evening to sample the local cuisine....even if a lot of it seemed to be more Italian and Chinese than typical 'Spanish'!?
Sunday 5 September 2010
Self-discipline
I've had a really tough few weeks with the workload for my PhD. I had a list of things which needed completing before a supervision session the day after tomorrow. At times I thought I might not get everything done, but I also knew that I had to; I had to find the time from somewhere. So....I had to decide to be firm with myself & set time aside to do everything. And yes, it's involved sacrifices; I've had to work when I'd have rather been outdoors walking in the sunshine, reading novels, even doing housework, etc., etc. But, I've achieved everything I needed to; and to see all of my documents printed out feels good.
And isn't that true about a lot of things in life. The things that are really worthwhile do tend to involve time, effort and sacrifice. Self-discipline doesn't always come easy to us. But I believe, you get out of life what you put in. If you put effort in, you get the sense of achievement and self satisfaction afterwards. And especially those things which are a challenge to us; they're the things you have to put most effort into, the things that are probably easiest to put off, but they're also the things that you get most satisfaction from when they're completed.
It can be hard at times, when people are inviting you out, asking you to do fun things & they're things you'd really like to do. But sometimes, you just have to say 'no'. You have to learn to prioritise. Life is sometimes about putting off pleasure in the short term to achieve a greater satisfaction in the future. And I think this is something a lot of people struggle with. It's easy to go for the short term fun option; what isn't always as easy is turning down something fun & easy in the present and instead, having to confront a challenge, work hard and push yourself that little bit harder.
And it's not just about self-discipline; it's also about self-responsibility. It's about taking responsibility for the commitments you make; making that promise to yourself to achieve something and taking responsibility for your actions in achieving it. Which consequently has to mean taking responsibility if you fail to achieve what you set out to do or fail to reach the goals you set. No one else can be blamed for one's own shortcomings....& that's quite a big responsibility to accept. We try to blame others for distracting us, for putting things in our way, but ultimately, it's up to us to choose what we want to do; to say 'yes' or 'no'.
And for me, if I commit myself to something (as I have to the 5 years plus, this PhD will take), it's important to me that I do my utmost to achieve my personal best. I want to get to the end of the research project and know that I've put my all into it and done it to the very best of my ability, with no regrets.
And isn't that true about a lot of things in life. The things that are really worthwhile do tend to involve time, effort and sacrifice. Self-discipline doesn't always come easy to us. But I believe, you get out of life what you put in. If you put effort in, you get the sense of achievement and self satisfaction afterwards. And especially those things which are a challenge to us; they're the things you have to put most effort into, the things that are probably easiest to put off, but they're also the things that you get most satisfaction from when they're completed.
It can be hard at times, when people are inviting you out, asking you to do fun things & they're things you'd really like to do. But sometimes, you just have to say 'no'. You have to learn to prioritise. Life is sometimes about putting off pleasure in the short term to achieve a greater satisfaction in the future. And I think this is something a lot of people struggle with. It's easy to go for the short term fun option; what isn't always as easy is turning down something fun & easy in the present and instead, having to confront a challenge, work hard and push yourself that little bit harder.
And it's not just about self-discipline; it's also about self-responsibility. It's about taking responsibility for the commitments you make; making that promise to yourself to achieve something and taking responsibility for your actions in achieving it. Which consequently has to mean taking responsibility if you fail to achieve what you set out to do or fail to reach the goals you set. No one else can be blamed for one's own shortcomings....& that's quite a big responsibility to accept. We try to blame others for distracting us, for putting things in our way, but ultimately, it's up to us to choose what we want to do; to say 'yes' or 'no'.
And for me, if I commit myself to something (as I have to the 5 years plus, this PhD will take), it's important to me that I do my utmost to achieve my personal best. I want to get to the end of the research project and know that I've put my all into it and done it to the very best of my ability, with no regrets.
Friday 16 July 2010
Procrastination
Procrastination drives me mad, and yet I continue to do so; hence the huge gap since my last entry. It seems at times that life just gets in the way; but isn't that just an excuse? If we want to do something, we should just get on and do it. And yet how easy is it to put things off? To say, "I'll do it later," "tomorrow" etc., and then it doesn't get done, or it just piles up along with all the other things that still need to be done.
Over the last 3 months (is it really that long?!) I've often thought about writing on here, I've had lots of ideas of things to discuss, and yet I've not done it!? I tell myself, "I'm too busy," "I haven't got time," "I'll do it later," etc. etc.. But aren't they just excuses? What's stopped me just doing it?
I know I'm not the only person who procrastinates; my clients reassure me of that. But what is it that drives us to do it . . . or not do it as the case may be? Because aren't we just putting off life? Holding back from doing the things we want to do? Preventing ourselves from doing those things we allegedly want to do?
I remember a friend telling me once about a 'catchphrase,' summed up in a mmenomic he always tried to remember when he was putting things off & I try to remind myself of it at times.... "JFDI" ("Just F*****g Do It"). It can be a useful little device to remind yourself to just get on & do it. Even those things that are difficult to do; those things we deliberately put off because we know they're going to be difficult, painful, hurtful, etc. Procrastination at those times is a way of attempting to protect ourselves from those uncomfortable feelings, but ultimately it doesn't really work. We still have to confront those things - & all we've succeeded in doing is causing ourselves more anxiety by putting them off & worrying about them. So 'JFDI' & get it out of the way!
Procrastinating just holds us back. But sometimes standing still, not doing stuff, can be easier, safer. We make all kinds of excuses as to why we "can't" do something....how many of us have cleaned the house instead of sitting down to write a university assignment? We can all be so creative when we need to be!
How much more effective could we humans be if we could elimate procrastination? How much time & energy gets wasted whilst we contemplate NOT doing things? If we just got on & did it immediately, we'd all end up with so much more time on our hands - to fill with positive, fun things instead of wasting it at the beginning filling it with putting things off?!
Over the last 3 months (is it really that long?!) I've often thought about writing on here, I've had lots of ideas of things to discuss, and yet I've not done it!? I tell myself, "I'm too busy," "I haven't got time," "I'll do it later," etc. etc.. But aren't they just excuses? What's stopped me just doing it?
I know I'm not the only person who procrastinates; my clients reassure me of that. But what is it that drives us to do it . . . or not do it as the case may be? Because aren't we just putting off life? Holding back from doing the things we want to do? Preventing ourselves from doing those things we allegedly want to do?
I remember a friend telling me once about a 'catchphrase,' summed up in a mmenomic he always tried to remember when he was putting things off & I try to remind myself of it at times.... "JFDI" ("Just F*****g Do It"). It can be a useful little device to remind yourself to just get on & do it. Even those things that are difficult to do; those things we deliberately put off because we know they're going to be difficult, painful, hurtful, etc. Procrastination at those times is a way of attempting to protect ourselves from those uncomfortable feelings, but ultimately it doesn't really work. We still have to confront those things - & all we've succeeded in doing is causing ourselves more anxiety by putting them off & worrying about them. So 'JFDI' & get it out of the way!
Procrastinating just holds us back. But sometimes standing still, not doing stuff, can be easier, safer. We make all kinds of excuses as to why we "can't" do something....how many of us have cleaned the house instead of sitting down to write a university assignment? We can all be so creative when we need to be!
How much more effective could we humans be if we could elimate procrastination? How much time & energy gets wasted whilst we contemplate NOT doing things? If we just got on & did it immediately, we'd all end up with so much more time on our hands - to fill with positive, fun things instead of wasting it at the beginning filling it with putting things off?!
Monday 5 April 2010
New Life
I've been lucky enough to have a new god-daughter enter my life recently, and she's got me thinking about what babies represent . . .
For me, I hold her in my arms, & I feel the privilege of holding a brand new life. I wonder what the future holds for her, & I just hope that it brings her lots of love, happiness, good health, fun and joy. And I'm sure it will . . . but I'm just as sure that it will also bring her lots of pain, upset, disappointment, tears and frustrations, because that's what life's about. The good alongside the not so good. I'd like to protect her from all of those more negative experiences, but I can't. She's going to have to experience them all for herself. And actually, I wouldn't want to protect her too much, because isn't it sometimes the more painful or 'negative' experiences in life which teach us the most important lessons? I've certainly learnt more about myself through some of the more painful experiences in my life.
The innocence and purity of a brand new life . . . it's incredible to watch the pureness of the emotions that pass across her face, and to watch just how in touch with her emotional and bodily needs she is. But how long will it be, before, like most of us, she learns to hide those raw emotions, she learns to monitor and limit her bodily needs, and she begins to lose touch with the purity that is her true self?
As a counsellor, I spend many hours with clients working with them as they try to get back in touch with the essence of who they were, and could still be. As a result of things said to them, or not said to them, by parents and other caregivers across the years, people can so easily lose touch with who they really are . . . and that can be when psychological problems can sneak in.
But that's scary for someone entrusted to take care of a brand new life . . . how on earth can I (and everyone else in her life) ensure that I get it right for her, that I give her the best chance in life and don't burden her with unrealistic expectations and limitations?
As babies, we enter this world innocent and full of potential . . . but how many of us get the opportunity to actually fulfill that potential? How many of us get sidetracked - quite often by the best of intentions by caregivers? Looking after a baby, a brand new human being, is such a scary prospect, but it's also such a huge, huge privilege, and one that brings with it so many rewards; the first time a baby responds to you with genuine smile is an experience that should be recognised for the privilege it is.
For me, I hold her in my arms, & I feel the privilege of holding a brand new life. I wonder what the future holds for her, & I just hope that it brings her lots of love, happiness, good health, fun and joy. And I'm sure it will . . . but I'm just as sure that it will also bring her lots of pain, upset, disappointment, tears and frustrations, because that's what life's about. The good alongside the not so good. I'd like to protect her from all of those more negative experiences, but I can't. She's going to have to experience them all for herself. And actually, I wouldn't want to protect her too much, because isn't it sometimes the more painful or 'negative' experiences in life which teach us the most important lessons? I've certainly learnt more about myself through some of the more painful experiences in my life.
The innocence and purity of a brand new life . . . it's incredible to watch the pureness of the emotions that pass across her face, and to watch just how in touch with her emotional and bodily needs she is. But how long will it be, before, like most of us, she learns to hide those raw emotions, she learns to monitor and limit her bodily needs, and she begins to lose touch with the purity that is her true self?
As a counsellor, I spend many hours with clients working with them as they try to get back in touch with the essence of who they were, and could still be. As a result of things said to them, or not said to them, by parents and other caregivers across the years, people can so easily lose touch with who they really are . . . and that can be when psychological problems can sneak in.
But that's scary for someone entrusted to take care of a brand new life . . . how on earth can I (and everyone else in her life) ensure that I get it right for her, that I give her the best chance in life and don't burden her with unrealistic expectations and limitations?
As babies, we enter this world innocent and full of potential . . . but how many of us get the opportunity to actually fulfill that potential? How many of us get sidetracked - quite often by the best of intentions by caregivers? Looking after a baby, a brand new human being, is such a scary prospect, but it's also such a huge, huge privilege, and one that brings with it so many rewards; the first time a baby responds to you with genuine smile is an experience that should be recognised for the privilege it is.
Thursday 25 March 2010
Frustration; life's growth opportunity
Grrr!!! Aaagh!! And any other way of communicating frustration!!
Today has been a VERY frustrating day for me. So many things just seem to have either gone wrong or have ended up taking so much longer than they should have; so it feels like I've never stopped all day today & yet I feel like I've achieved nothing of value.
How often does this happen to us all in life though? How often does it feel like we're wasting time chasing things up, sitting at the end of phone lines just waiting in a queue, or attempting to do things which, no matter how much you seem to be doing what's expected of you, just doesn't produce the results it 'should'?
Yet, isn't that just part of life? Life doesn't always go according to plan, or to how we'd like it to be. Sometimes, life just throws unexpected things at you, which yes; can be frustrating, can be annoying, can be disappointing.
But isn't the important thing, how we cope with these things? We can all make plans & think about how we'd like things to work out, but life's not that straight forward. We, as individuals, have no control over the external things, people, organisations, etc., that impact on our lives. All that we can control & have any power over is how we deal with those things. We can allow them to impact upon us negatively & dwell upon the negative feelings we experience, OR, we can accept that sometimes, things happen to us which aren't ideal or which hurt, upset, annoy, frustrate us.
We can choose to learn from these experiences. Accept that life is ultimately uncontrollable; yet for me, that's what also makes it so exciting. The unpredictability of life excites and ignites me. Life keeps trying to catch me out, but I won't let it; whenever it throws something at me that blocks my path or demolishes my crossing, I'll simply find a grenade to blast away the blockage or I'll build another bridge & establish a more effective way of crossing the river. And from each of these knocks back & their following steps forward, I'll learn something & I'll grow, and I'll be so much stronger to face whatever life chooses to throw at me next.
Life, for me, is a constant process of growth and development. Make the most of the knock backs; be grateful to them & choose to see them as learning opportunities & growth experiences. All of which ultimately make life more interesting, more exciting & can make us, as individuals, stronger, more empowered human beings.
Today has been a VERY frustrating day for me. So many things just seem to have either gone wrong or have ended up taking so much longer than they should have; so it feels like I've never stopped all day today & yet I feel like I've achieved nothing of value.
How often does this happen to us all in life though? How often does it feel like we're wasting time chasing things up, sitting at the end of phone lines just waiting in a queue, or attempting to do things which, no matter how much you seem to be doing what's expected of you, just doesn't produce the results it 'should'?
Yet, isn't that just part of life? Life doesn't always go according to plan, or to how we'd like it to be. Sometimes, life just throws unexpected things at you, which yes; can be frustrating, can be annoying, can be disappointing.
But isn't the important thing, how we cope with these things? We can all make plans & think about how we'd like things to work out, but life's not that straight forward. We, as individuals, have no control over the external things, people, organisations, etc., that impact on our lives. All that we can control & have any power over is how we deal with those things. We can allow them to impact upon us negatively & dwell upon the negative feelings we experience, OR, we can accept that sometimes, things happen to us which aren't ideal or which hurt, upset, annoy, frustrate us.
We can choose to learn from these experiences. Accept that life is ultimately uncontrollable; yet for me, that's what also makes it so exciting. The unpredictability of life excites and ignites me. Life keeps trying to catch me out, but I won't let it; whenever it throws something at me that blocks my path or demolishes my crossing, I'll simply find a grenade to blast away the blockage or I'll build another bridge & establish a more effective way of crossing the river. And from each of these knocks back & their following steps forward, I'll learn something & I'll grow, and I'll be so much stronger to face whatever life chooses to throw at me next.
Life, for me, is a constant process of growth and development. Make the most of the knock backs; be grateful to them & choose to see them as learning opportunities & growth experiences. All of which ultimately make life more interesting, more exciting & can make us, as individuals, stronger, more empowered human beings.
Monday 22 March 2010
Look behind the initial facts
Monday 22nd March 2010
Nothing in life is ever black and white. This weekend, my car was damaged whilst it was parked in the street, across the road from where I was babysitting. I got a phone call from the police at 10.30pm to let me know; all I was told on the phone was that my car had been damaged & the police officer was on his way round to see me. My heart sank as I had no idea as to how much, or what kind of damage, had been caused. I didn't even go out to see it until the police officer got there – I think I was putting off finding out.
As I went out with the police officer to have look, he told me the story of how it had happened . . . apparently a man who was recently bereaved had had a fair bit to drink and had taken out his emotions on 4 or 5 cars in the same street; mine being one of them. Someone had seen him & apprehended him; at which point he apparently broke down & waited willingly for the police to come and arrest him.
I have SUCH mixed feelings about the incident though. Yes, I'm not happy about the damage to my car – especially as it's going to need a new bonnet; hence an insurance claim on my policy, which will probably affect my no claims. BUT my heart is just going out to the guy who did it. Seemingly, such behaviour is not part of his usual way of being, and it seems he was simply overcome by his grief . . . and I can't be angry with someone, so obviously in such pain.
Grief, and other intense emotions can cause us all to behave in ways we wouldn't normally even dream of. But doesn't that just show the intensity of the feeling? Doesn't it also show that we're all capable of anything; how can we ever know how we'll react to a real trauma in our life? We can plan for how we think we'll behave, but until we're consumed by emotion, we can have no idea as to how we'll react.
I think this incident also shows that we shouldn't judge someone, or something that happens, purely on initial facts . . . there's very often a good reason behind why people do the things that they do. If only more people could be more empathic and take the time to discover the facts before jumping to conclusions. People, very often, become very blinkered and aren't prepared to try and put themselves into anyone else's shoes; and in fact, doing so can be a very humbling experience. It's also a very rewarding experience in that it allows you to open up your world to other ways of being and experiencing.
Sunday 21 March 2010
Welcome back
Sunday 21st March 2010
Welcome 'back' to my 'new' blog. I first began writing a blog last August, but life got in the way & I'm ashamed, and saddened, to say that I didn't keep it up. Well; life's caught up with me again & I've decided it's time to restart my blog . . .
I'm starting from scratch though; it's a whole new beginning. It's been an emotional time for me, both positive and negative, since I last wrote anything, & I'm sure I'll compose many reflections from that time. I've learned a lot about myself over the last few months, and I'm happy to be able to conclude that I'm in the best place I've ever been in my life . . . despite the emotional upset, disappointment, hurt and loss I've experienced. So I feel like I'm in a good place from which to launch my blog again, and I hope my thoughts and reflections might just be useful or relevant to others of you out there.
My training as a counsellor has no doubt helped me significantly, and I'd like to share some of those learnings with you all as we travel through my blog.
This is also a bit of a test run for me, because I'm writing, and uploading it in a different way to last time. So I think I'll leave it there for now, whilst I give it a try and make sure that it's working . . .
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