Bodily self-disclosure as a counsellor ...

I've had an interesting week ... personally & professionally.  And all caused by a silly accident with a candle and a match last weekend, which resulted in nasty burns to two of my fingers.

One of the main strands of my PhD research is the idea of the counsellor's body as a form of self-disclosure. As therapists, we are trained to not disclose any of our personal information or circumstances to our clients.  This is to ensure the neutrality of the therapy and to ensure that the experiences and feelings which occur in the therapy room are essentially those of the client.  As a result of my research, I'm increasingly recognising the therapist's body as a form of self disclosure which it is impossible to hide or deny. It's there in the room for the client to see.  It's there in the room for the client to relate to, to think about, to make judgements about, to think about ...

In terms of my research, I've considered the potential effects on the client and the therapy of the therapist's bodily shape and size.  Our bodies do say a lot about us; through their shape and size, through how we use them, hold them, how we express ourselves through our body language, even how we dress them.  We disclose a lot about ourselves, quite often unconsciously, through, and by, our bodies.

The bandages I've had on my two fingers this week have been impossible to hide.  And it's been interesting to note how different clients ... and also different people outside of the therapy room ... have responded to that.  Some people comment straight away; sometimes out of curiosity, sometimes out of concern.  I've seen other people notice my fingers, but then not say anything.  Others simply haven't noticed because they've been too immersed in their own thoughts and feelings to notice my hand.  And for me, all of those different responses are okay; it's just interesting to note the differences.

As a therapist, it raises a much bigger question for me though ... just how much do our illnesses, personal tragedies, pains and injuries impact on our clients and the therapeutic relationship?  Major injuries are plain to see and can't be denied.  Our personal pains and tragedies may not be so visible, but maybe they too, play out via our bodies ... lack of sleep, worry, concern etc., often show as tiredness, dark eyes, lethargy, maybe even changes in how we dress and present ourselves.  I wonder how aware our clients are of these minor bodily manifestations?  And how it does impact the therapy.  Does the client comment on what they see?  Or do they keep it to themselves, but then spend their session wondering about the counsellor's story?  Maybe, consciously or unconsciously, editing the things they talk about so as to protect the therapist from further pain?

It's a really interesting area for me; and one that's been brought to the forefront of my mind because of my injury.  But it also enables me to see that my research has much wider implications than just therapists' bodies in terms of working with clients with eating disorders ...

We all walk our own roads ...

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.

Just because they're not on your road does not mean they are lost."

Dalai Lama

I had cause earlier today to think about 'what is success?'  And for me, the above quote from the Dalai Lama  which I've just stumbled across this evening, fits very nicely ...

Success means different things for different people.  For some people, it's about earning a high salary, having a prestigious job or title, having a lot of expensive material possessions.  For these people, perhaps success stems from external factors ... from possessions and achieving a status in society.

For some people, it's simply getting through a day, especially those who are ill or depressed.  For those with more severe forms of depression, sometimes just getting out of bed, or getting washed is a huge achievement.

For other people, success is a much more personal, internal thing. Achieving an inner sense of peace, congruence or satisfaction, regardless of external circumstances.  It often comes from a sense of being true to one's own inner self, own personal morals and ethics.

And this is where I would put myself.  My own personal measure of my success stems from feeling that I am being true to myself.  And in my life, this means doing the work that I love (counselling, therapy and writing about these things and my eating disorders research).  And I feel very fortunate that I've found my 'vocation' in life and am able to follow it.  Yes, it means I've maybe not achieved the financial and material rewards I could have earned had I followed a different path, but I experience a true sense of congruence, knowing that I am spending my life doing what I love doing.  I am able to use my personal past experiences to take my work forward and help others ... giving both meaning and purpose to my earlier life and helping other people through that.

It can be hard sometimes to follow a different path from that expected for you or to turn your back on financial or status progression, in a world which values financial measures of worth.  I originally achieved a Business Studies Degree and Postgraduate Diploma in Marketing, but quickly realised that that field of work couldn't fulfill me personally.  I was lucky to 'stumble' in counselling training when I was 27, and I very quickly recognised that that was where my life lay.  I've since turned down management posts, knowing that for me, managing people, money, figures and things doesn't fulfill me.

My passion comes from learning about people and humanity and immersing myself in that.  And this is where I feel fulfilled and what allows me to still enjoy my work with clients 13 years after I first entered the counselling world.  And to still experience the genuine passion I feel to learn more and more ...

For me too, I think it's important to find a sense of inner satisfaction from within.  If a person relies completely on external factors for their sense of fulfillment, happiness, success etc., whether that be a partner, work, wealth, status and material possessions, it can be very difficult if those things are taken away.  Then, a person can be left feeling adrift.  Whereas, if we can find our own inner fulfillment and satisfaction, then no matter what the external circumstances, that inner peace, that inner congruence remains.

It seems too easy for people to judge others and to view them as less successful than themselves if they're living their life in different way.  For me, it's important to understand and accept a person's way of living ... as long as they're happy with it and no one else is being put at risk or compromised.

We all walk our own paths, and for me, the true measure of success is that an individual feels that they are living a life true to themselves, to their own inner beliefs ... no matter what that life looks like ...