Exactly where I need to be ...

Whenever I see this, or a similar advert in my monthly edition of BACP's 'Therapy Today' magazine I can't help smiling ...

Back in January 2008, I went into my annual appraisal with my current copy of 'Therapy Today' opened at a full page advert from York St John University. I intended to ask my manager for funding & leave to attend this one day workshop ...

My manager granted me permission & I attended York St John University for the first time to participate in Peter Jenkins' workshop. As I had expected would happen.

What I didn't expect was my manager spotting an advert further up the page for  prospective students on a Counselling Studies PhD.

He told me he'd always wanted to fund someone to do a PhD & did I fancy doing it?! As I've always loved learning & personal / professional development I jumped at the chance & instantly agreed; having no idea what I was jumping into at that time.

We discussed a topic relevant to my workplace ... I applied ... & was successful!  

And in October 2008, I took a big step into the unknown ...

Much of my first year was taken up with learning just what a PhD involved, teaching myself research methodologies and the underpinning philosophies of knowledge. I loved what I was doing.

But then, in May 2009 (just after I'd learned my cat, Scrumpy, has terminal cancer), changes at work meant my funding and study leave were stopped; stolen away from under me.

I had 2 choices: leave the PhD or continue with and self fund. I felt in a quandary. I didn't really want to walk away from it just when my appetite for philosophical thinking & knowledge development / creation had been whetted. But nor did I want to self fund a research study which would ultimately benefit my employer more than me.

After discussion with my university supervisors, I decided to remain on the course but change my research question. Eight months into a part time PhD was still early enough to do that.

And that's how I came to be researching the topic I am. 

Although it was disappointing & painful when my funding was pulled, I see now that it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I was able to refocus my research into a subject area I was genuinely interested in. One which really comes from my heart & stimulates me at a deep intellectual, emotional and spiritual level. And it's now mine; mine to do with what I want, in a way in which a study I'd done for an employer could never have been.

I'm really grateful to my then-manager for suggesting a PhD to me; the thought of doing a PhD hadn't even entered my head before then! And I'm grateful too, to the manager who pulled my funding & caused me to regroup my thinking into a topic I passionately believe in. 

And now, as I embark on writing up my research and am seeing possibilities of where I might take my research next, I see how a bizarre set of circumstances, out of my control, have led me to where I am now. 

And where I am now, feels exactly where I need to be.

I very much believe in taking responsibility for one's own life, making conscious decisions about what one wants to do, and then taking active steps to work towards it.

However, circumstances like the ones above do make me wonder if 'fate' doesn't also play its part ...

Maintaining an ethical online presence ...

As a counsellor, I appreciate the importance of not sharing too much of myself and my life with my clients.  When clients come for counselling, it's vital that the therapy is about them and not about the therapist.  The counsellor engages with their whole Self at a deep level, so that the client experiences a powerful and healing human connection, but they don't talk about any of their personal lives.

We also try to ensure our therapy rooms give none of our personal lives away.  To ensure the neutrality of the therapy and so that the client can engage with us as a 'therapist' with no 'baggage' we keep ourselves our lives separate.

We're trained to only disclose personal information when it is deemed to be helpful for the client.  It's often a difficult line to balance though.   For myself, I aim to be fully me in the room with each and every client, which means that I respond to their words and bodies in a congruent way.  I voice my feelings, emotions, thoughts and images which arise in response to my clients, as and when they arise.  This ensures that human connection I mentioned above.  So, I'm fully me, but clients get to find out very little about who I am outside of the therapy room.

Or at least that was the case, until I started writing this blog.  And also my PhD.  And this is where the lines can become blurred.  I enjoy sharing my knowledge and experience ... especially if I think it might help someone, or might start a debate.  I also think that sharing information can be helpful for people to ensure that they don't feel completely alone in their personal pain.  It can be surprisingly comforting to know that you're not the only person in the world suffering.

I know that through the writings on this blog, I give more of myself away than I would in the therapy room.  Any disclosures made with the therapy room are focused and said specifically towards a particular client.  Writing on here, means I'm sharing my thoughts, feelings and experiences with anyone who chooses to read them; and amongst that audience may be clients, past, present & future.  Is that entirely ethical?

I'm sure there'd be people who would say it wasn't.  I know that there are many therapists who refuse to engage in any kind of online presence.  And that's okay if that works for them and is congruent with their way of working.

For myself though, I believe that making myself a little more human makes me more real in the therapy room.  I'm careful to never give away any specific personal information and I sometimes disguise some of the facts to keep me, my loved ones and my clients safe.

We live in a time when the online world is becoming increasingly important and I believe that as therapists, we should be looking at ways to embrace this and use it in a beneficial way for ourselves and our clients, rather than simply dismissing it.  After all, isn't this how theory and practice develops and moves forward?

It's something I've given a lot of thought to throughout my PhD.  When I first starting researching it, I intended to leave my personal eating disordered experiences out of it.  But as I engaged more deeply with the literature etc, I realised that my personal experience was invaluable and should be brought into it.  It's helped my personal acceptance and understanding, and I know that my self-reflection has very positively influenced my thinking.  And I've followed this through into my practice. If clients ask, I tell them a little bit about my history.  It's there on my website and in this blog.  My openness hopefully helps take away some of the shame and stigma that's still experienced around eating disorders and other mental health issues.  It also seems to help clients to know that I've had that experience and so have my own understanding.

Again though, I don't disclose personal information; just enough to inform my clients of my understanding, experience, and also, to offer them the hope of recovery.

And I attached the above photo of Elsie my cat sitting in front of my computer because Elsie is a personal self disclosure.  But again, she's one that I have to disclose.  I need to let clients know of her presence incase they're allergic to cats.  And she's also sometimes visible or audible in my home!  And she has her own blog (museandmewsings.blogspot.co.uk), so I have to ensure that she remains aware of any ethical considerations.

I've also set up a Facebook page.  I've had a personal profile page for a few years now and enjoy using it.  I've struggled with how best to use it though as I've not wanted to blur the boundaries between my personal and professional lives.  I think I've finally found the balance.  My friends have, up until now, had to put up with my therapeutic ramblings and I've not shared them with anyone else.  But I've just set up a 'Therapy with Sharon' page where I'll post anything therapy, research, eating disorders related and that page is open to everybody.

It is difficult line to balance.  I'm not sure I always get it right; but I always try to ...