A life can change in an instant ...

This post has been inspired by my recent burn injury to my hand.  Although it was a relatively minor injury, it's made me think about how quickly life can be changed.  And also how even losing full use of a small body part (even just on a temporary basis) can impact someone's life.

In less than a second, two of my fingers were quite severely burned.  My middle finger has now fully recovered (other than a red scar), but six weeks on, my index finger is still causing me pain and limiting some of the things I can do with my hand.  I'm also still visiting the hospital for regular physiotherapy to ensure the developing scar tissue doesn't restrict my finger's movement.

Hospital visits and physio exercises all take up time and emotional energy.  They can be extra things to fit into  an already busy life.  Not knowing how the injury is going to heal creates its own uncertainties.

Depending on the location or severity of the injury, scarring can be a real cause for concern for some people.  And some injuries can prove to be life changing as a result of scarring and any resulting injury.  I was thinking here mostly about physical injuries to external body parts.  But there's also head injury to consider.  A serious head injury can cause a person's personality or cognitive ability to change irrevocably.

I'm also mindful of internal injuries, which maybe aren't visible to other people, but can have a devastating impact on the quality of life of the person who has experienced it.  And sometimes, these injuries are most difficult for other people to comprehend.  It's easier to commiserate with someone who has a visible injury.

Most accidents occur in a split second.  And yet the consequences, of serious accidents, can last a life time.  They're things we don't plan for, and so are completely unprepared when they do happen.  We have to cope with the shock initially, as well as the physical pain.

I also think that sometimes, the emotional consequences of serious (and not so serious) injuries and illnesses get neglected or forgotten about.  Externally, the person may look well again, but maybe emotionally, they're still suffering.  Even if they're not fully healed or well, other people quite often tend to focus on the physical well-being and healing process.  And if this is going well, it's easy to assume that everything is okay.  But maybe the individual is still experiencing emotional pain, which isn't so easily seen.  Any physical trauma our bodies go through can affect our emotional well-being.

As a counsellor, I've always been mindful of checking out how the client I'm working with is experiencing their injury or illness.  I always recognise that it's important to enable them to share and explore their own experience to help them recognise the implications of it for them.

This is also an example of how I, as a counsellor, reflect on my own personal life experiences and consider what I can learn from them which might be of benefit for clients I work with.  Anything that happens to me, can potentially happen to someone else ... if not in the same way, then in a similar way.  Consequently, there's always something that I can learn from my own life and its experiences which will help others.  Reflecting on myself and my experiences allows me to develop my own self understanding, which I can then turn back out onto helping other people understand themselves better.

In this way, counselling is a very reflective and reflexive way of working and understanding oneself, others and the world; and helping others to understand themselves and their world.  And as I help my clients improve their self understanding, I take things away from each encounter to reflect upon, which further help me to understand myself, and my world ... and so the process continues ...

Our bodies are from where we experience our selves, our lives and the world, and so any injury or change to our body can have a huge impact on how we experience ourselves and how we live our lives ...

Embodying the Environment ...

My Counselling Room

As a counsellor in private practice I seek to create a warm, safe, inviting environment for my clients.  I think I  manage to achieve this as I receive lots of positive comments from clients about the warmth, safety and comfort they feel when they enter, and sit in my counselling room.

Lake District

I think that our environment can have an impact on how we feel about, and within, ourselves.  As I sit here writing this, I'm aware of various environments scrolling through my mind ... the sea on both hot and cold days, hillsides in Northumberland, the Lake District and southern Italy; places I've visited on holidays and days out.  And as I pause in my memories and reconnect to them, I'm aware of how differently I experiences those places, and more significantly, how I experienced myself within them.

I was thinking about this earlier today, sitting in a room where I provide counselling away from my private practice.  I was very aware of experiencing that environment as very different from my own personal counselling room.  I didn't feel as 'at home' there ... & I know that I'm not, in the literal sense of the phrase ... but I was aware of not feeling as much a part of that room as I do when I'm in my own counselling room.

It's almost like I meld into my own counselling room; the room and myself are part of the same package.  But in this other room, I'm aware of feeling separate, very distinct; a sense of having just put myself in it.  I'm still the same person in each room, using the same skills and parts of me; yet I experience myself very differently.

I feel very much more complete, more relaxed, more completely myself in my room, surrounded by my own things.  And in that place, I feel more able to be more fully me.  I guess my own counselling room is an external extension of my inner self.

I have no external factors to consider in my own room as I do when I'm in other rooms; rooms belonging to other people, to other organisations, with their things in them instead of mine.  And much as those external factors aren't necessarily visibly present in those other rooms, I'm increasingly aware of how omnipresent they actually are for me; constraining, restricting, limiting me, trying to make me fit them & the places & people who they belong to.  They hold me hostage; in stark contrast to the completely relaxed, complete me, I am in my own room, in my own environment.

And I'm sure that this must impact on the therapeutic relationship I'm able to offer clients.

It could be argued that, as it's the relationship which is the most important therapeutic consideration, that environment shouldn't matter.  I remember believing this myself when I first began working in different venues and was able to establish effective therapeutic relationships in each of those.  And to an extent, that is true ...

But ... having not worked in other venues for a short while and only this week going back to them, I'm suddenly aware of just how much the environment I'm in impacts on me and my sense of myself.

As I'm writing, I'm increasingly recognising how the environment I'm in impacts on me.  And I guess that that's because, no matter what environment I'm in, I become a part of.  The environment and myself aren't separate; if I'm in a place, a particular environment, I'm experiencing that environment and I'm also experiencing myself within that environment.

Cullercoats Bay looking towards Tynemouth

I feel most relaxed, most 'at home' in those environments in which I feel most a part of.  Those places in which I'm not constrained by any external influences and can just simply be me ... and for me, that's in my own home, my own counselling room, and being out in nature.

I feel more content, more energetic, more at peace, more motivated, more willing to take good care of myself and nurture myself, etc., ... in short, more me.

Reflecting on this in terms of client work, people often find themselves feeling 'depressed' when they feel stuck or trapped in environments in which they're not happy; not able to be fully themselves.  For example, jobs they don't like, relationships which aren't bringing them happiness, home environments which aren't right, safe or comfortable, etc., etc.

Our environment or situation in which we find ourselves seems to have a huge impact on how we experience ourselves and how we feel about ourselves ...

Welcome to 'Therapy & Other Things with Sharon'

Welcome to my first blog post on here!

I've been writing on 'Therapy, Thought & Learning' for the last 3 years or so, but due to my professional interests expanding as I head towards the end of my PhD, I'm thinking about where I head next ...

I'm currently developing a new website, 'Therapy (& other Things) with Sharon' which will go live very soon and I wanted to ensure that my website & blog can be easily connected.

I've imported my entries from 'Therapy, Thought & Learning' into here (see below / in the archive), so that I don't lose anything I've already written.  This blog will be a continuation of my writing from there as I continue to reflect on life, therapy, and embodied experiencing ...

It's not always easy for me to find time to write regular blog posts as I try to squash in completing my PhD, my private practice, working for the NHS, my musical interests (& my life!!) but I'm going to try to write more regularly ... & hopefully that will become easier in time!

I'll look forward to sharing more of my reflections with you ... & any comments you'd like to make about anything I write will be very, very welcome ...