Eating reflecting subjective experiencing ...

Over a week into my new eating plan, and I've found it relatively easy to stick with.  The most difficult thing for me was getting myself organised enough to buy the 'right' foods; planning ahead, and thinking differently about the food choices I made.

It helps that I like all of the natural and unprocessed foods I'm eating and I'm feeling satisfied by them  I can also honestly say that I've not missed red wine or chocolate; the two things which created panic in me the day before I embarked on the plan.  A couple of times, I thought about a glass of wine, but what I've recognised is that each of those times were following stressful situations.  My default mode had become to have a glass of wine to relax or reward myself.  And yet each time, I knew I couldn't have that glass of wine, and I was okay with it.  The thought entered my head, I turned it away, and got on with other things ... not even thinking about that wine again.

I've had an interesting experience over the last few days though.  I attended a workshop over the weekend which was outside of my comfort zone and left me feeling unsettled.  My cat has also needed to have treatment at the vets which has added stress and upheaval in my home.  And although I've continued to stick to the plan easily, what I realised is that I'd stopped planning ahead.  I got to Monday morning, and realised I had nothing 'proper' in for breakfast.  I got up this morning & realised I didn't have anything to go with my salad to take to work.  

Feeling unsettled and out of my comfort zone had left me feeling disorganised and out of control.  And because I felt this way within myself,  I let go of the control around my eating plan and gave no thought to the organisation it requires.

For me this has parallels to eating disordered experiences.  An individual feeling unsettled and out of control within themselves and their lives, often turns to food as a way to feel in control of something.  When we can't control our external circumstances or inner feelings, we can control the food we allow into our bodies, & consequently control our bodies.  Alternatively, feeling out of control can be mirrored in out of control eating behaviours; resorting to unhealthy foods, bingeing, purging, etc.  

And although I no longer resort to eating disordered behaviours, I see that I still experience connections between how I feel within / about myself and my eating practices.  Feeling unsettled within myself led to me letting go of the organisation and forethought needed for my plan.  And although I've still been able to stick with it, I recognise that previously, times like the last few days would have been the times when I reached for the comfort foods, for the easy, quick options, giving no real thought to the foods I was eating.

Subjective experiencing of self can be mirrored in eating practices ...

Unadulterated Pleasure …

Watching my young god-daughter last night eating an Easter egg really brought to my attention how much our relationships with food and eating change throughout our life.

As babies and young children we eat when we’re hungry.  We demand to be fed, and if we’re lucky enough to live in the Western world where food is in plentiful supply, and if we have caregivers who respond adequately to our needs, we’re given food.  And we consume it, and we stop eating when our body is satisfied.  Babies and young children aren’t aware of the pressures yet to come to them from our Western culture that demands that they look a certain way and that they manipulate their body into a prescribed ideal.

When I showed my god-daughter the egg, her face lit up with unadulterated pleasure.  There was pure excitement in her eyes as we unwrapped it together.  And as you can see from this picture, she consumed it with passion and pure enjoyment …

How many people as adults are able to consume food, and especially chocolate and other ‘treats’ with the unadulterated pleasure of a child?  So many adults have their pleasure of food spoiled by inner voices telling them they shouldn’t be eating it, they’ll get fat, it’s wrong to enjoy food, etc., etc.  And even people who’ve never struggled with eating disorders, so often worry about putting on weight, losing weight, the number of calories, the fat content, and more.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all eat with the unadulterated pleasure of a young child?  If we could all simply eat to satisfy our body’s physiological hunger needs?  But food and eating are inextricably tied up with emotional needs and hungers … and for the majority of adults, food and eating is often used as a substitute means of satisfying those other needs.  We all use food in ways other than satisfying bodily hunger … have a think about how you use food and what food means to you, and for you …

Wishing you too, the unadulterated pleasure of chocolatey abandonment ...