Back in January 2008, I went into my annual appraisal with my current copy of 'Therapy Today' opened at a full page advert from York St John University. I intended to ask my manager for funding & leave to attend this one day workshop ...
My manager granted me permission & I attended York St John University for the first time to participate in Peter Jenkins' workshop. As I had expected would happen.
What I didn't expect was my manager spotting an advert further up the page for prospective students on a Counselling Studies PhD.
He told me he'd always wanted to fund someone to do a PhD & did I fancy doing it?! As I've always loved learning & personal / professional development I jumped at the chance & instantly agreed; having no idea what I was jumping into at that time.
We discussed a topic relevant to my workplace ... I applied ... & was successful!
And in October 2008, I took a big step into the unknown ...
Much of my first year was taken up with learning just what a PhD involved, teaching myself research methodologies and the underpinning philosophies of knowledge. I loved what I was doing.
But then, in May 2009 (just after I'd learned my cat, Scrumpy, has terminal cancer), changes at work meant my funding and study leave were stopped; stolen away from under me.
I had 2 choices: leave the PhD or continue with and self fund. I felt in a quandary. I didn't really want to walk away from it just when my appetite for philosophical thinking & knowledge development / creation had been whetted. But nor did I want to self fund a research study which would ultimately benefit my employer more than me.
After discussion with my university supervisors, I decided to remain on the course but change my research question. Eight months into a part time PhD was still early enough to do that.
And that's how I came to be researching the topic I am.
Although it was disappointing & painful when my funding was pulled, I see now that it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I was able to refocus my research into a subject area I was genuinely interested in. One which really comes from my heart & stimulates me at a deep intellectual, emotional and spiritual level. And it's now mine; mine to do with what I want, in a way in which a study I'd done for an employer could never have been.
I'm really grateful to my then-manager for suggesting a PhD to me; the thought of doing a PhD hadn't even entered my head before then! And I'm grateful too, to the manager who pulled my funding & caused me to regroup my thinking into a topic I passionately believe in.
And now, as I embark on writing up my research and am seeing possibilities of where I might take my research next, I see how a bizarre set of circumstances, out of my control, have led me to where I am now.
And where I am now, feels exactly where I need to be.
I very much believe in taking responsibility for one's own life, making conscious decisions about what one wants to do, and then taking active steps to work towards it.
However, circumstances like the ones above do make me wonder if 'fate' doesn't also play its part ...
Sara, i can only admire your courage, to look beyond that moment when funding was pulled, to see the possibility of new potential even when it was yet to be discovered. Yes, we always have choices, and maybe sometimes we can e quick to dismiss some as ot fitting our plan, or being inadvisable and risky.
ReplyDeleteI am just started at Art School, after studying more reasonable thiings like counnselling and telecoms over many years